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Tuesday, February 14, 2006 

Please don't let me fall...

It has been almost three years since I’ve turned my back on substance abuse. The 3 months that followed, were perhaps the most testing times of my life. When I lived on drugs, it was a form of self medication. It helped me regulate my emotional turmoils, my bouts of depression and lack of self worth. It made me feel so good. When I look back now, I know that it was merely a distraction; everything felt so intense-sex, music, food, even watching Window’s screensaver was mind-boggling. I understand why people find it so hard to quit drugs. Cliché as it may sound, its “hard to come back to earth, once you’ve been to heaven”.

Overcoming my addiction has made me a stronger person.

I shudder when I think of what I could have become if I had continued on my path of self destruction. I thank my lucky stars that I had trustworthy friends who did not violate me during the times I’ve been fucked to the point of unconsciousness. I hazily remember Patrick. This chubby dude who carried around a Ventolin inhaler, because he knew sometimes I’d have a reaction to the stuff that went up my nostril. Granted, there were other asthmatics like myself who ended up needing it. I was so close…I nearly threw my life away…

I am so proud of myself for each and every day I’ve led a clean life. Each passing day is a step away from my dark past into a promising future.

But there are days like today, when the temptation is just oh, so strong... It’s just a puff, just half a pill, just one line…just one step away from heaven, from ecstasy, from the beginning, from the end.

self-control..

we all have our own vices to overcome..

It's just a thought, just a temptation...

I often tell someone when I feel this way. The moment the thought leaves my lips, and I hear myself saying it, I feel like an idiot for even thinking of it. I feel like an idiot as I reread this entry...

Don't. Misery shared is misery lessened. And anything that helps you stay straight is worth doing.

As I often tell people, blogging is cheaper than therapy.

Hang in there.

Its not worth it....

I have been thru heaven and den hell. Now I prefer just staying alive on earth!

everyone has said everythign there is to say about this

fuyooo..... it's as if u are voicing out how i feel sometimes..... i havent touch any substances for months.... and when i read back my blog during those days... i m damn proud of myself... and i shudder at the thoughts of all those emotional outburst..... bad bad bad times....

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