Sunday, March 26, 2006 

You Play World of Warcraft? You're Hired!

All ye geeks REJOICE!!! It seems stating your MMORPG (which stands for Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games for all you who have a life) experience in your resume could land you a dream job. This Wired article centers on Stephen Gillett, a Yahoo! senior manager who got his job in part because he was a top guild master in the online role-playing game World of Warcraft.

The articles suggests that when role-playing gamers team up to undertake a quest, they often need to attempt particularly difficult challenges repeatedly until they find a blend of skills, talents, and actions that allows them to succeed. This process makes them more flexible in their thinking and more sensitive to social cues

Non-gamers seem to think that it is all wishful thinking and begrudgingly scoff, “there’s no way role-playing an orc, an elf or a troll could create a talent pool of savvy managers”.

Personally, to be successful in team play games such as Counter Strike and MMORPG’s, one is required to have many skills beyond taping the mouse and executing perfect head shots.

Counter Strike for example encourages:

Planning – Any self respecting CS clan would have the floor plan of all competition maps - marked with legends, arrows and kopi O stains, and various strategies to infiltrate or secure the designated territory. Contingency plans and cash flow budgeting are also important to bounce back from early loses.

Patience - It’s pointless storming hostile territory ALONE when the enemy is camping at vantage points waiting to pump your body with lead. Wiser to wait for backup and hope to create a diversion with a handful of flashbangs and smoke grenades before charging in.

Watch your back – Back stabbing is probably more prevalent while harder to notice in the real world that in the game of Counter Strike, so it’s a good thing it’s second nature I watch my back to prevent being shot, or more embarrassingly knifed to death. Never assume no one is hiding behind that wooden box or that dark corner. Once the parameter is secured, be a team player and announce (f4), “Sector Clear!”

Online gaming is very similar to CS team play though it usually involves a larger community.

Cross-culture interpersonal skills - Interaction with guild members (especially if in an international guild) is usually limited in-game, therefore it is important to understand and be sensitive to different cultures and ensure that the message conveyed is clear.

Persuasion – Being part of a male dominant community does wonders in enhancing one’s persuasion powers.

The article continues…

In this way, the process of becoming an effective World of Warcraft guild master amounts to a total-immersion course in leadership. A guild is a collection of players who come together to share knowledge, resources, and manpower. To run a large one, a guild master must be adept at many skills: attracting, evaluating, and recruiting new members; creating apprenticeship programs; orchestrating group strategy; and adjudicating disputes. Guilds routinely splinter over petty squabbles and other basic failures of management; the master must resolve them without losing valuable members, who can easily quit and join a rival guild. Never mind the virtual surroundings; these conditions provide real-world training a manager can apply directly in the workplace.

The day may not be far off when companies receive résumés that include a line reading "level 60 tauren shaman in World of Warcraft."

Saturday, March 25, 2006 

Nice ah Boss Stewie? Make me do stupid school meme...

He who pisses in the country side bushes tagged me with a school meme some time back. Nice ah?

I have some wonderful memories of me vandalizing school property and flooding my school’s “bengkel” when assigned to clean the roof as a form of punishment. Slinky – 2, School –Nil!

How many schools did I go to?

Four. I was in the same primary school up till I completed my UPSR but changed secondary schools three times.

Was I the studious nerd, or the last minute hero?

Definitely the last minute HERO. I think I bring it when it comes to last minute studying. During my time, part of the examinations were multiple choice - Teachers used to call me “Sharp Shooter”, indicating that I seldom knew the answer for sure but always managed to “tikam” (guess) the right one.

Was I the class ‘taiko’ or the teacher’s pet?

A Taiko, who was also the headmistress’s pet (powerleh!) until a certain incident. Please refer below.

What was the biggest rule I broke in school?

Man I broke so many rules in school but being the headmistress’s pet and never getting caught was my key to not getting expelled. Rules i broke include – skirts too short, socks too high, shop lifting, vandalizing, playing truant, defiance of prefects and teachers, etc etc but the one thing that got me into a whole load of trouble was a half page article I wrote about the tyranny of my school’s rules which got published in Youth Quake.

Thanks NST for publishing my email address which also happens to be my real name! Nice ah?

Three subjects I enjoyed.

Literature, English and Economics

Three teachers that inspired me.

My Literature, English and Economics teachers.

Friday, March 24, 2006 

Who's Your Granddaddy?

David Bozdoganov, a 75 year old granddad is now the newest star of Russia's growing porn industry, after wandering on to a film set by mistake, thinking it was a muscle man show.

Director Alexander Plahov said:
"We were auditioning for a new film and had a number of couples on stage simulating sex when I saw an old guy standing at the back. I wandered over to ask him to leave when I saw this massive package straining against his trousers. I thought, now this could be an original idea. And I was right: all the movies we've made with David have been huge successes."

The jazz auteur said Dynamite Dave's biggest hits have been The Old Neighbour and The Handyman at Work.

But not everyone is delighted. The priapic pensioner apparently believes in the beneficial powers of garlic and his female co-stars have complained about his habit of rubbing it on his genitals before filming action scenes.

Source: Here

Monday, March 20, 2006 

"MiTV To Bank On Content Superiority". What Content?

I hardly ever read the business section of the local dailies as it is often filled with crap articles like the one below:

In the article, MiTV’s chairman, Datuk Dr Ir Rosman Ridzwan felt that MiTV, being a “content-oriented” company, has an advantage over the far more established Celcom and Maxis. He said it was no surprise that MiTV was one of the two winners in the recent bidding for the 3G licence, “as 3G is a multimedia platform, not a voice or short messaging service.”

“Content is a very critical element in making 3G a success.

Errr…Datuk Rosman, I hate to be the one to rain on your parade but MiTV does NOT have superior content. It hardly has any content! A payTV with absolutely no sports (not even cricket for crying out loud!) and hardly any English content can’t possibly brand itself as “superior” in the content department.

"Referring to MiTV's premium set-top box for payTV, which some quarters had viewed as “not so attractive”, Rosman admitted that the interactivity part was as yet not very efficient and hence the hesitation of potential customers."

Errr... Datuk, about the interactive features, if you actually have MiTV installed in your home, you would realize it doesn’t work at all. That’s right, there are NO interactive features to speak of. So it’s not exactly about the efficiency you should be worried about, it’s the AVAILABILITY.

Also Datuk consider it good new that MiTV only has 5000 subscribers. It’s better if less people know the true extent of Malaysia’s latest stillborn.

Sunday, March 19, 2006 

Let Me Live In Denial Please!

Have you heard of the Formula One Paddock Club? This very atas ticket grants you access to pit lanes, grandstand seats, endless supply of hors d'oeuvres, Champange, and luxurious hospitality facility. Have you ever heard of someone with enough balls to turn down such an opportunity?

Well boys and girls, you are now reading the blog of one such person. I turned down this once in a life time chance to attend to more important matters-attending the MapleStory VaVaVoom event.

Sigh…The truth is… I am an IDIOT who doesn’t watch F1 and had no freaking idea what Paddock seats were and that it cost a freaking 4k USD!!!!1111oneoneoneone. @$#$^%^%$^%$#!!!

So anyway instead of sharing pictures of hot chicks in short shorts, aerodynamic cars zipping away at over 360km per hour, Russian celebrities and lots and lots of Champagne, here are some pictures of what Formula One Paddock Members missed:

The thrill of draping a 18th foot banner across the shop front

The wonderment of ensuring all PCs are free from any form of keyloggers.

The buzz of watching the crowd build up

And the warmth of happy faces.

Let me live in denial…

Saturday, March 18, 2006 

Yeah!!! I have free paddock seat tickets to Saturday’s F1!!!

"So where are the pictures of chicks and the cars? Who did you rub shoulders with? And what the hell are those two furry things?"

More later tonight…

Wednesday, March 15, 2006 

Who Took the Cookie From the Cookie Jar?

The boyfriend casually asks, “berbair, are you still on your diet?"

“Yes sweetie”.

“Dam, I felt like pizza. So I am guessing you want something healthy for dinner. No sugar and carbohydrates right?”

“Yes, sweetie”. My boyfriend is great. Not only is he a great cook, he accommodates my fussy eating habits.

“Berbair, have you heard of the 2 percent rule? Market research has shown that consumers are unlikely to notice a 2 percent difference in a product or service. For example, Mc Donald’s could reduce the size of a Big Mac by 2 percent or increase the price of a McValue meal by 2 percent without customers noticing it. Do you think it’s true?”

I thought about what he said.

Got Beer?

Hmmmm…if this pint was 2 percent smaller would I notice it?


Hmmmm…if this dress was 2 percent shorter would I notice it?


Hmmmm…if the cat lost 2 percent of her weight would I notice it?


“Sweetie, I think the 2 percent rule is possibly quite accurate in certain cases” I reply.

A grin appears across the boyfriend’s face. “Maybe you can apply the 2 percent rule the next time you eat my chocolate while pretending to be on a diet”.

Guiltily, I glance at the half eaten Cadbury bar on the kitchen table. “Alright, let’s call Dominos”.

Sunday, March 12, 2006 

What Would We Do Without The Internet?

It is a shinning example of viral marketing success and is proving to be more contagious than the flu. In a week, probably 2 million people worldwide have “ooohhhh-ed" and “aaaahhhh-ed" at this video which depicts how Bart, Homer, Marg, Lisa and Maggie would look like if they were humans.

It got me thinking-what would an animated Slinky look like?

Ahhhh, yes. I can see myself as Skipper, the head honcho of the penguins in Madagascar. Cute and cuddly boys ...cute and cuddly.

Can you keep a secret, my monochromatic friend


Let Me Finish My Suicide Note

I picked up "Let Me Finish" by Udo Grashoff while browsing through the bookstore today. The book is a collection of suicide letters released from police files in Germany, and are accompanied by a brief explanation using the case notes surrounding the suicide. Unrequited love, public shame and the loss of a loved one are all painful experiences, but very few people react by taking their own lives.

Sample of some of the suicide notes

Karin P wrote to her husband before killing herself and their three children

I am committing this act in order to bring you to your senses, I hope you understand that. (She leaves money for funeral roses in her handbag.) I should have just spent this cash because you never thought once of the children when you bought your motorbikes, your car or your telescope — it was all about your pleasure.

Suicide note by an indebted 58-year-old man in Dusseldorf

Income 156 marks
Rent 43.65
Light 12.60
Laundry 15
Grave 10
Coal 5
Debts 8
156 - 94.25 = 61.75.
31 days living and smoking on 61.75 marks is impossible, so I wish my life farewell.

If I were to kill myself, what sort of suicide note would I leave behind?


Thank you for still loving me after the incident involving a clipper and the hair on your head 4 weeks before your brother’s wedding. I love you for many reasons, particularly your chicken salads. Please bury me with my notebook; heaven’s bound to have internet sooner or later and I have a couple domain names I would like to squat on. My worldly possessions are yours to keep, with the exception of my Ipod. You may only keep it if you promise never to taint it with the likes of Westlife and Backstreet Boys. Tell my Mum that her constant line dancing to Achy Breaky Heart is shortening the life expectancy of both my sister and Dad, and that her cream puffs is the single cause ten people had bad diarrhea last Christmas. You have been my greatest love and I will cycle through you, Brad Pitt and Jack Gyllenhaal while masturbating in heaven.


Saturday, March 11, 2006 

Breast For Success

Errmmmmm...what is this advertisement advertising?

Let’s face it: Sex sells. It explains why exhibitors at PC Fair, the largest congregation of sex deprived geeks, employ fresh faced teenage girls to help push pen drives and hard disks.

So it came as no surprise to hear that our competitor have started to trim their formerly male dominant sales force to make way for long legged girls. Ours is an industry where most of our customers are 30-40 year old men who could use the flattery from the opposite sex. In today’s business world, it is debatable if what they are doing is appropriate.

But the show must go on and I believe at least in the shot term, in fighting fire with fire. So while I work on an earth-moving, ground-breaking business strategy, my HR will be hiring reinforcements. If you know of anyone who fits the bill, please send them my way.

Executive, Outdoor Sales

Slinky Chink Pte Ltd is a fast growing company in a male dominant environment. We are seeking hot female sales personnel to give us an edge in this very exciting industry. If you have the required skills, the desire to work in a casual atmosphere and would like to take advantage of your good looks, please send your resume to

Job Duties:

This person is an integral part of the business and the principal point of contact between customer and the company. Specific duties include (but are not limited to):

• Demonstrate product features and benefits
• Sell by convincing, confusing or conning the customer
• Develop leads from customer referrals
• Misc. duties as assigned


• Female with BMI not exceeding 20 and minimum cup size of C
• Resourceful, persuasive, attractive and result oriented
• Pleasant personality with good intercoursepersonal skills
• Experience in buttering a man’s ball is an added advantage
• Applicants with the following work experience are strongly encouraged to apply:

o SIA cabin crew
o F1 promoters
o Crazy Horse Strippers
o Door bitches

The Company provides an excellent working environment, an attractive remuneration package, a free boob job, miniskirts and stilettos, with a good prospect for career advancement.

Those interested should apply online providing a complete resume stating your working experience, vital stats, contact telephone number and a recent headshot to

Tuesday, March 07, 2006 

I Am Going To KILL Myself By Drinking This Whole Bottle Of Clairol Herbal Essence Shampoo!!!

There is nothing remotely charming about coming home to a broken bedroom door, courtesy of your housemate’s boyfriend’s left shoulder. He broke in to use my adjoining bathroom, which i shared with his girlfriend, to then left-shoulder-charge his way into her bedroom. She, with a tiny slit on her left wrist, was sprawled on the floor directly in front for her bedroom door which explained him using the back entrance.

The object which caused the whole drama? A mobile phone. To be specific, his mobile phone, which he thought he had lost a month ago but was in fact stolen from him by his psychopathic girlfriend, my housemate, the person I shared a roof with. He was rightfully very upset when he stumbled upon it while looking for some condoms, and dumped her on the spot whilst losing his erection. Twenty minutes later, he received a sms on his lost-then-found mobile:

I can’t live without you. If you don’t come back in the next 20 minutes, I will KILL myself.

He tried ignoring it, but she had a notorious reputation of self-mutilation. With each passing minute, his conscience gnawed at his resolute to leave her. 2 hours after the whole farce erupted, he gave in, and rushed back to find that she had carried out her treat by:

• Slitting her wrist
• Drinking a whole bottle of cough medicine
• Consuming half of my Clairol Herbal Essence Shampoo

She was rushed to the hospital and the doctors pumped water into her stomach to flush the shampoo out, not unlike Japanese torture I am told. She continued to vomit bubbles for the next hour or so.

He felt touched by her remorse and they got back together.

I have since tried the I-will-kill-myself-by-drinking-this-whole-bottle-of -Clairol-HerbalEssence-if-you-don’t-make-me-chicken-salad-for-lunch- tomorrow threat to extort the laughter and cooperation of my boyfriend with much success. I have since discontinued using Clairol’s fine range of hair products.

Sunday, March 05, 2006 

The Reversal of Gender Roles- I would like to be a man in my next life.

As the cab slowed to a stop I glanced at the meter, folded two ten dollar notes, double of the fare of the ride, and slipped them to the driver.

“I’ll be back in ten minutes. Wait for me”.

The Ah Beng, deposited the two notes in his shirt pocket and nodded his agreement. I had a good look at the Ah Beng and made it clear that I would fold his balls in half if he dared leave without me.

I stepped out of the cab and looked around. What was I doing here? I deliberately avoided Holland Village for the past eight months to minimize any chance of me bumping into Jack. We had the ugliest of break-ups: a lot of screaming, some crying, hideous name calling, smashing of gifts, and ending with him calling my parents to tell them I was a self-sabotaging, commitment phobic slut who was emotionally unstable and abusive. Thanks Jack, I love you too.

I came face-to-face with a peach door. His peach door. His peach door which I helped to paint one of those weekends when he grumbled that all we ever did was have sex and drink lots of alcohol. Taking deep breathes, I lifted my hand to rap the door, paused, turned around and started walking away. I heard the peach door open and a familiar voice called out my name.

He pulled me into his chest and hugged me, I felt guilty for the pain I must have caused him. For a former Singapore athlete, he now looked pale and frail. He invited me in, and sat me down in the living room couch.

“Wait here”, he said. “I have something to show you”.

He reemerged from his bedroom cradling a bundle in his arms. “Isn’t she beautiful?” I looked down at the newborn baby.

“Is she yours?” I asked.


“Who is the mother?”

“I don’t know yet”.

“It isn’t me, is it?”

“No, we always used contraceptives and her blood group is AB. I guess it’s probably one of the women I was with when our relationship was turning sour”.

“Do you need financial support?” I asked.

“No, but thanks for the offer”.

The Ah Beng looked relive when I finally emerged. I got him to drive me to my favorites watering hole. My mobile beeped. New message from Jack.

I know you didn’t want to, but thanks for coming. Sometimes I wish she’s yours. I miss you heaps.


If you’re reading this blog, you probably don’t know me.

If you’re reading this blog, you probably don’t know me. So I’ve decided, partly because I have nothing to else to write about, it’s high time for an introduction:

I was once asked to describe myself and I candidly replied, "Simple and Open".

Simple, meaning I am not a materialistic person and I am a minimalist. I am not obsessed with brands, I don’t wear make-up, my hair is low maintenance, I don’t desire fame, and I don’t like too much complications in my life. I don't need to hide behind a fake personality, an expensive car or hang out with hip and happening people; I am just me. But understanding me is no simple task. I am fluid and change without even myself noticing it. My experiences in life has made me wiser (though I am far from being wise) and I see things in so many different perspectives its sometime hard to personal know myself what I really believe is right or wrong. My point of view constantly shifts, my principles only last as long as I can defend them, and I am unpredictable especially when I let my emotions take the reins. So though simple I am, I am also complicated.

Open, meaning I like listening to conflicting views, meeting different kinds of people, experiencing the abundance, pains and pleasures of life, and taking in all I can, cause I can, cause I want to, cause I love to My heart is always open to love, my ears open to hear and my eyes open to see. I try my best not to stereotype, prejudge and perceive but I am only human, forgive me for the times I make assumptions. I try to be a good friend, I have a sense of humor and NO, I am not alcoholic! I am a nerd; I like books, cooking my own dinner every night and playing computer games. I love music, though I can’t play any instruments, can’t hold a tune to save my own life, hmmm but I’ve been told I can dance. I believe communication, mutual respect, passion, good sex and common goals make an ever lasting relationship. I believe good friends are always there for you even though you’re not in touch regularly. I believe blood is thicker than water, abusing drugs, alcohol, animals, and others are no good, and cats are a women best friend.

Friday, March 03, 2006 

The Education Fair You DON’T Want To Take Your Kids To

You would think that the organizers of an education fair would take extra care copywriting their advertising campaign. Think again.

“To your child no recognition equals that little recognition from you. To them their childhood is as important as your adulthood”.

WTF? What kinda slogan is that? WTF is it asking the reader to do? WTF? WTF??!

“I am Smart Kid”. Haiyor, WTF man? Isn’t it supposed to be “I am a smart kid”? Unless of course the character’s name is Smart Kid, which makes the text equally as dumb. No kid (fictional or not), who is smart and clever would allow himself to be called Smart Kid.

No parent in their right mind would take their kids to the education fair based on this ad. No kid would find this ad appealing. This ad has no clear message other than to say the organizers need better education and the agency doing this signage is in dire need of a proper copywriter.

A quick visit to their website confirms my worst fears-the same fucker who did the signboard probably “copywrote” the website. How else can you explain this sentence taken from their website?

“There is free admission for children under 16”.

Haiyor, can someone get them to rephrase it to, “Admission is free for children below 16”?

Wednesday, March 01, 2006 

Invitation To The Future Of Shopping


Yesterday evening I attended the launch of the eGroceries website held at SOULed OUT, Desa Sri Hartamas.

Obligatory door gift

eGroceries claims to be Malaysia’s first online grocery shopping portal which offers a variety of products at reasonable prices. Shoppers select household products online and delivery should be within the next working day. I suspect that condoms could potentially become the company’s best-selling item.


I arrived at the event slightly after seven. Guest primarily consists of the media, which included the TV crew for TV3. The setup was rather plain-a few notebooks displayed the eGroceries website and a podium with banners in the backdrop. There was also a projector, presumably for some sort of video presentation which would officiate the launch.

True to Malaysian timing, the event started an hour late. It began with an introductory speech by one of the directors, followed by a second speech by another director who explained how the whole idea of come about. The third speech was by some guy from MDC who ranted on superfluously about MDC’s role in the ICT sector. He spoke at length about the factors governing the growth on E-commerces and the challenges faced, such as secure payments, internet penetration, yadah, yadah, yadah.

Good thing notebooks run on batteries

Just as he was coming to the end of his speech, there was a sharp, short, explosive sound, POP! Followed by darkness....

I waited for over 15 minutes for power to be restored before leaving the launch. I hope that at least a handful of people stayed back to witness it. I believe the next time someone from MDC makes a speech about factors governing the growth of the ICT sector, stable electricity supply might be mentioned.