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Tuesday, February 21, 2006 

Do They Wear High Heels in Heaven?

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My mum looks at me disapprovingly.

“Girl, why don’t you wear high heels with that suit? You’ll look slimmer and taller”.

“Ma, it’s because I don’t want to notice bald spots on top of men’s heads”.


I don’t wear high heels. YES, I know it accentuates the calves and causes the hips to sway ala-Beyonce. And YES I know men find it sensuous- I just can’t wear them.

3 reasons why Slinky don’t/can’t wear high heels

Penguin syndrome
To look graceful in high heels one first needs to walk elegantly. Experts recommend keeping your legs straight and taking smooth even steps while swinging your arms for balance.

The problem with me is that I don’t walk, I waddle. I walk with short steps that tilt the body from side to side. Think penguin.



Now imagine a penguin in high heels.

Broadfan
Some women have narrow feet, or toes which are significantly shorter than the one next to it. This enables them to easily fit into high heel footwear with either regular or long-pointed toe boxes.

Broadfan

My feet are what I would like to call Broadfan. They’re broad and my toes spread out like a fan. Wearing a pair of court shoes, for example, would mangle and crush my toes against the insoles.

Would you like to be stuck in between two 180kg men (their thighs spilling under the arm rest into your seat), on board an AirAsia flight bound for Canada?

I knew you’d share the same sentiments as my feet.

Calflinks
Calflinks

For very little leg, I have a lot of calf. Anything which accentuates my calves will make my short legs look chunkier then they already are. Enough said.

How do I fall? Let me count the ways.



Midvalley’s fire escape? Check
Escalator in KLIA which leads to the express train? Check
Office wee-wee room? Check
Outside the mamak in Telawi, Bangsar? Check

As it stands, I am a klutz extraordinaire in flat shoes. High heels can only mean more comedy for onlookers and more bodily harm for myself. I wish to egt through life without breaking my collar bone. Pray for me Betty.

And last but not least. The main reason why I don’t wear high heels:

I consider high-heeled shoes a tool of female oppression, constraining our movements and behavior as much as possible.

Okay, I admit, I just couldn’t be bothered, I look good enough without them ;P

you go girl! wish i had the same confidence. only the heels and food could lift up my day :(

/bonks Kimberly on the head with newly purcahsed non-stick pan.

That's for being modest.

You must take hours shaving those long legs of yours.

Nice article. I dislike high heels too, such a torture to wear. BTW, you've been spy-ed :)

thanks!!!

The most beautiful thing in this world cannot be seen or touched, it can only be felt by the heart. Why bother with high heels?

i think they also wear mini skirts in heaven

Yor leg looks pretty ok :P Not that short i guess~

gah u got better legs than i do lol... neat

heels.. i sprained me ankle before.. scary shits..

damn susah to 'act' demure sometimes kakakaka

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