My mum looks at me disapprovingly.

“Girl, why don’t you wear high heels with that suit? You’ll look slimmer and taller”.

“Ma, it’s because I don’t want to notice bald spots on top of men’s heads”.


I don’t wear high heels. YES, I know it accentuates the calves and causes the hips to sway ala-Beyonce. And YES I know men find it sensuous- I just can’t wear them.

3 reasons why Slinky don’t/can’t wear high heels

Penguin syndrome
To look graceful in high heels one first needs to walk elegantly. Experts recommend keeping your legs straight and taking smooth even steps while swinging your arms for balance.

The problem with me is that I don’t walk, I waddle. I walk with short steps that tilt the body from side to side. Think penguin.



Now imagine a penguin in high heels.

Broadfan
Some women have narrow feet, or toes which are significantly shorter than the one next to it. This enables them to easily fit into high heel footwear with either regular or long-pointed toe boxes.



My feet are what I would like to call Broadfan. They’re broad and my toes spread out like a fan. Wearing a pair of court shoes, for example, would mangle and crush my toes against the insoles.

Would you like to be stuck in between two 180kg men (their thighs spilling under the arm rest into your seat), on board an AirAsia flight bound for Canada?

I knew you’d share the same sentiments as my feet.

Calflinks


For very little leg, I have a lot of calf. Anything which accentuates my calves will make my short legs look chunkier then they already are. Enough said.

How do I fall? Let me count the ways.



Midvalley’s fire escape? Check
Escalator in KLIA which leads to the express train? Check
Office wee-wee room? Check
Outside the mamak in Telawi, Bangsar? Check

As it stands, I am a klutz extraordinaire in flat shoes. High heels can only mean more comedy for onlookers and more bodily harm for myself. I wish to egt through life without breaking my collar bone. Pray for me Betty.

And last but not least. The main reason why I don’t wear high heels:

I consider high-heeled shoes a tool of female oppression, constraining our movements and behavior as much as possible.

Okay, I admit, I just couldn’t be bothered, I look good enough without them ;P