I Am Going To KILL Myself By Drinking This Whole Bottle Of Clairol Herbal Essence Shampoo!!!
There is nothing remotely charming about coming home to a broken bedroom door, courtesy of your housemate’s boyfriend’s left shoulder. He broke in to use my adjoining bathroom, which i shared with his girlfriend, to then left-shoulder-charge his way into her bedroom. She, with a tiny slit on her left wrist, was sprawled on the floor directly in front for her bedroom door which explained him using the back entrance.
The object which caused the whole drama? A mobile phone. To be specific, his mobile phone, which he thought he had lost a month ago but was in fact stolen from him by his psychopathic girlfriend, my housemate, the person I shared a roof with. He was rightfully very upset when he stumbled upon it while looking for some condoms, and dumped her on the spot whilst losing his erection. Twenty minutes later, he received a sms on his lost-then-found mobile:
I can’t live without you. If you don’t come back in the next 20 minutes, I will KILL myself.
He tried ignoring it, but she had a notorious reputation of self-mutilation. With each passing minute, his conscience gnawed at his resolute to leave her. 2 hours after the whole farce erupted, he gave in, and rushed back to find that she had carried out her treat by:
• Slitting her wrist
• Drinking a whole bottle of cough medicine
• Consuming half of my Clairol Herbal Essence Shampoo
She was rushed to the hospital and the doctors pumped water into her stomach to flush the shampoo out, not unlike Japanese torture I am told. She continued to vomit bubbles for the next hour or so.
He felt touched by her remorse and they got back together.
I have since tried the I-will-kill-myself-by-drinking-this-whole-bottle-of -Clairol-HerbalEssence-if-you-don’t-make-me-chicken-salad-for-lunch- tomorrow threat to extort the laughter and cooperation of my boyfriend with much success. I have since discontinued using Clairol’s fine range of hair products.
The object which caused the whole drama? A mobile phone. To be specific, his mobile phone, which he thought he had lost a month ago but was in fact stolen from him by his psychopathic girlfriend, my housemate, the person I shared a roof with. He was rightfully very upset when he stumbled upon it while looking for some condoms, and dumped her on the spot whilst losing his erection. Twenty minutes later, he received a sms on his lost-then-found mobile:
I can’t live without you. If you don’t come back in the next 20 minutes, I will KILL myself.
He tried ignoring it, but she had a notorious reputation of self-mutilation. With each passing minute, his conscience gnawed at his resolute to leave her. 2 hours after the whole farce erupted, he gave in, and rushed back to find that she had carried out her treat by:
• Slitting her wrist
• Drinking a whole bottle of cough medicine
• Consuming half of my Clairol Herbal Essence Shampoo
She was rushed to the hospital and the doctors pumped water into her stomach to flush the shampoo out, not unlike Japanese torture I am told. She continued to vomit bubbles for the next hour or so.
He felt touched by her remorse and they got back together.
I have since tried the I-will-kill-myself-by-drinking-this-whole-bottle-of -Clairol-HerbalEssence-if-you-don’t-make-me-chicken-salad-for-lunch- tomorrow threat to extort the laughter and cooperation of my boyfriend with much success. I have since discontinued using Clairol’s fine range of hair products.
I was just thinking, if the boyfriend had not come, then you might have posted a very different post with the title "My housemate killed herself by drinking Clairol herbal sampoo".
I couldn't help myself from laughing when I read this post.
Posted by
Dilip Mutum |
5:46 PM
Bwahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaahah.
Better use back Clairol herbal essence shampoo. It is proven non-lethal.
Posted by
Anonymous |
5:49 PM
See, though not her right, that's the privilege a woman gets to enjoy.
Do you still want to be a man in your next life?
Posted by
Anonymous |
6:49 PM
ROFL! what was the cough medicine for, to put herself to sleep? lol, agree with moo_t, maybe if clairol sees this, they might even advertise on the fact that their shampoo is gentle enough!
Posted by
Anonymous |
8:50 PM
wah... dramatic-nya! *sniggers*
Posted by
Anonymous |
10:28 PM
that shampoo is too expensive to mess around with...
maybe you should just recommend her jumping off from the top floor of a multi storey carpark or something...
liked your blog.
Posted by
Anonymous |
11:17 AM
One of my friends drank a bottle of DETTOL in front of her parents because they objected her relationship with her then-bf. Her Dad had to take her to the hospital soonafter!
Posted by
Anonymous |
10:52 AM
oh man
she is CRAZY
Posted by
Boss Stewie |
7:01 AM
yeah, quite a psycho, your housemate. My sympathies (though it must be pretty entertaining sometimes).
I'm suddenly thankful for mine.
As twisted this may seem, the incident is indeed quite funny.
Posted by
Linda Chia |
10:54 PM
I feel sorry for your shampoo. At least the herbs weren't deadly.
Posted by
Anonymous |
9:49 PM
Fact: Abusing cough medicine can result in death.
Even if your housemate did not mean to actually off herself, accidental death might have occurred from ingesting an entire bottle of cough suppressant (dextromethorphan), as in the case of one Jonathan Frary in the US.
You have my symphathy. I too had to put up with an almost, but thankfully less psychotic housemate. She mentioned she wanted to commit suicide, and made me talk to her for hours to convince her otherwise.
Never found a good time to bring up cleaning the house with her because of her 'issues'. -sigh-
Posted by
Anonymous |
5:45 AM
That is just stunningly retarded. She sounds like a candidate for the bubble-farting short bus.
Posted by
Anonymous |
1:12 AM
Do not kill yourself for any reason.
You may be thinking to yourself, " I am going to kill myself," or "I am going to commit suicide." I would not recommend it. I was having a shitty day today, I was really bored, sitting at home, my partner was ignoring me, and I started getting depressed (it happens a lot to me). I typed "I am going to commit suicide" into google, and the results that came up were extremely disappointing. Every listing was some crap about God, or making the "right choice," there was a Jesus guy who apparently is also a cop somewhere, and a bunch of random interspersed message board threads. Extremely depressing. How many people a day are typing I am going to commit suicide into a search engine as a last resort, and this podunk religious crap comes up. Who is this helping? Christians maybe, but what about the rest of us? Are there people who don't believe in god who are thinking about (or pretty determined) killing themselves? You bet there are.
More...
Posted by
Anonymous |
1:32 PM
suicide isnt funny bitch
Posted by
Anonymous |
7:22 AM
Anonymous said...
suicide isnt funny bitch
7:22 AM
it is when they vommit bubbles lmfao hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ha
Posted by
Anonymous |
3:50 AM