David Bozdoganov, a 75 year old granddad is now the newest star of Russia's growing porn industry, after wandering on to a film set by mistake, thinking it was a muscle man show.

Director Alexander Plahov said:

"We were auditioning for a new film and had a number of couples on stage simulating sex when I saw an old guy standing at the back. I wandered over to ask him to leave when I saw this massive package straining against his trousers. I thought, now this could be an original idea. And I was right: all the movies we've made with David have been huge successes."

The jazz auteur said Dynamite Dave's biggest hits have been The Old Neighbour and The Handyman at Work.

But not everyone is delighted. The priapic pensioner apparently believes in the beneficial powers of garlic and his female co-stars have complained about his habit of rubbing it on his genitals before filming action scenes.

Source: Here

I hardly ever read the business section of the local dailies as it is often filled with crap articles like the one below:



In the article, MiTV’s chairman, Datuk Dr Ir Rosman Ridzwan felt that MiTV, being a “content-oriented” company, has an advantage over the far more established Celcom and Maxis. He said it was no surprise that MiTV was one of the two winners in the recent bidding for the 3G licence, “as 3G is a multimedia platform, not a voice or short messaging service.”

“Content is a very critical element in making 3G a success.

Errr…Datuk Rosman, I hate to be the one to rain on your parade but MiTV does NOT have superior content. It hardly has any content! A payTV with absolutely no sports (not even cricket for crying out loud!) and hardly any English content can’t possibly brand itself as “superior” in the content department.

"Referring to MiTV's premium set-top box for payTV, which some quarters had viewed as “not so attractive”, Rosman admitted that the interactivity part was as yet not very efficient and hence the hesitation of potential customers."

Errr... Datuk, about the interactive features, if you actually have MiTV installed in your home, you would realize it doesn’t work at all. That’s right, there are NO interactive features to speak of. So it’s not exactly about the efficiency you should be worried about, it’s the AVAILABILITY.

Also Datuk consider it good new that MiTV only has 5000 subscribers. It’s better if less people know the true extent of Malaysia’s latest stillborn.

Have you heard of the Formula One Paddock Club? This very atas ticket grants you access to pit lanes, grandstand seats, endless supply of hors d'oeuvres, Champange, and luxurious hospitality facility. Have you ever heard of someone with enough balls to turn down such an opportunity?

Well boys and girls, you are now reading the blog of one such person. I turned down this once in a life time chance to attend to more important matters-attending the MapleStory VaVaVoom event.

Sigh…The truth is… I am an IDIOT who doesn’t watch F1 and had no freaking idea what Paddock seats were and that it cost a freaking 4k USD!!!!1111oneoneoneone. @$#$^%^%$^%$#!!!

So anyway instead of sharing pictures of hot chicks in short shorts, aerodynamic cars zipping away at over 360km per hour, Russian celebrities and lots and lots of Champagne, here are some pictures of what Formula One Paddock Members missed:



The thrill of draping a 18th foot banner across the shop front



The wonderment of ensuring all PCs are free from any form of keyloggers.



The buzz of watching the crowd build up





And the warmth of happy faces.




Let me live in denial…

"So where are the pictures of chicks and the cars? Who did you rub shoulders with? And what the hell are those two furry things?"

More later tonight…

The boyfriend casually asks, “berbair, are you still on your diet?"

“Yes sweetie”.

“Dam, I felt like pizza. So I am guessing you want something healthy for dinner. No sugar and carbohydrates right?”

“Yes, sweetie”. My boyfriend is great. Not only is he a great cook, he accommodates my fussy eating habits.

“Berbair, have you heard of the 2 percent rule? Market research has shown that consumers are unlikely to notice a 2 percent difference in a product or service. For example, Mc Donald’s could reduce the size of a Big Mac by 2 percent or increase the price of a McValue meal by 2 percent without customers noticing it. Do you think it’s true?”

I thought about what he said.



Hmmmm…if this pint was 2 percent smaller would I notice it?

NO.

Hmmmm…if this dress was 2 percent shorter would I notice it?

NO.

Hmmmm…if the cat lost 2 percent of her weight would I notice it?

NO.

“Sweetie, I think the 2 percent rule is possibly quite accurate in certain cases” I reply.

A grin appears across the boyfriend’s face. “Maybe you can apply the 2 percent rule the next time you eat my chocolate while pretending to be on a diet”.

Guiltily, I glance at the half eaten Cadbury bar on the kitchen table. “Alright, let’s call Dominos”.

It is a shinning example of viral marketing success and is proving to be more contagious than the flu. In a week, probably 2 million people worldwide have “ooohhhh-ed" and “aaaahhhh-ed" at this video which depicts how Bart, Homer, Marg, Lisa and Maggie would look like if they were humans.



It got me thinking-what would an animated Slinky look like?

Ahhhh, yes. I can see myself as Skipper, the head honcho of the penguins in Madagascar. Cute and cuddly boys ...cute and cuddly.

I picked up "Let Me Finish" by Udo Grashoff while browsing through the bookstore today. The book is a collection of suicide letters released from police files in Germany, and are accompanied by a brief explanation using the case notes surrounding the suicide. Unrequited love, public shame and the loss of a loved one are all painful experiences, but very few people react by taking their own lives.

Sample of some of the suicide notes

Karin P wrote to her husband before killing herself and their three children

I am committing this act in order to bring you to your senses, I hope you understand that. (She leaves money for funeral roses in her handbag.) I should have just spent this cash because you never thought once of the children when you bought your motorbikes, your car or your telescope — it was all about your pleasure.

Suicide note by an indebted 58-year-old man in Dusseldorf

Income 156 marks
Rent 43.65
Light 12.60
Laundry 15
Grave 10
Coal 5
Debts 8
156 - 94.25 = 61.75.
31 days living and smoking on 61.75 marks is impossible, so I wish my life farewell.

If I were to kill myself, what sort of suicide note would I leave behind?

Dearest,

Thank you for still loving me after the incident involving a clipper and the hair on your head 4 weeks before your brother’s wedding. I love you for many reasons, particularly your chicken salads. Please bury me with my notebook; heaven’s bound to have internet sooner or later and I have a couple domain names I would like to squat on. My worldly possessions are yours to keep, with the exception of my Ipod. You may only keep it if you promise never to taint it with the likes of Westlife and Backstreet Boys. Tell my Mum that her constant line dancing to Achy Breaky Heart is shortening the life expectancy of both my sister and Dad, and that her cream puffs is the single cause ten people had bad diarrhea last Christmas. You have been my greatest love and I will cycle through you, Brad Pitt and Jack Gyllenhaal while masturbating in heaven.

Love,
slinky

Errmmmmm...what is this advertisement advertising?
Let’s face it: Sex sells. It explains why exhibitors at PC Fair, the largest congregation of sex deprived geeks, employ fresh faced teenage girls to help push pen drives and hard disks.

So it came as no surprise to hear that our competitor have started to trim their formerly male dominant sales force to make way for long legged girls. Ours is an industry where most of our customers are 30-40 year old men who could use the flattery from the opposite sex. In today’s business world, it is debatable if what they are doing is appropriate.

But the show must go on and I believe at least in the shot term, in fighting fire with fire. So while I work on an earth-moving, ground-breaking business strategy, my HR will be hiring reinforcements. If you know of anyone who fits the bill, please send them my way.

Executive, Outdoor Sales

Slinky Chink Pte Ltd is a fast growing company in a male dominant environment. We are seeking hot female sales personnel to give us an edge in this very exciting industry. If you have the required skills, the desire to work in a casual atmosphere and would like to take advantage of your good looks, please send your resume to slinkychink@gmail.com

Job Duties:

This person is an integral part of the business and the principal point of contact between customer and the company. Specific duties include (but are not limited to):

• Demonstrate product features and benefits
• Sell by convincing, confusing or conning the customer
• Develop leads from customer referrals
• Misc. duties as assigned

Requirements:

• Female with BMI not exceeding 20 and minimum cup size of C
• Resourceful, persuasive, attractive and result oriented
• Pleasant personality with good intercoursepersonal skills
• Experience in buttering a man’s ball is an added advantage
• Applicants with the following work experience are strongly encouraged to apply:

o SIA cabin crew
o F1 promoters
o Crazy Horse Strippers
o Door bitches

The Company provides an excellent working environment, an attractive remuneration package, a free boob job, miniskirts and stilettos, with a good prospect for career advancement.

Those interested should apply online providing a complete resume stating your working experience, vital stats, contact telephone number and a recent headshot to slinkchink@gmail.com

There is nothing remotely charming about coming home to a broken bedroom door, courtesy of your housemate’s boyfriend’s left shoulder. He broke in to use my adjoining bathroom, which i shared with his girlfriend, to then left-shoulder-charge his way into her bedroom. She, with a tiny slit on her left wrist, was sprawled on the floor directly in front for her bedroom door which explained him using the back entrance.

The object which caused the whole drama? A mobile phone. To be specific, his mobile phone, which he thought he had lost a month ago but was in fact stolen from him by his psychopathic girlfriend, my housemate, the person I shared a roof with. He was rightfully very upset when he stumbled upon it while looking for some condoms, and dumped her on the spot whilst losing his erection. Twenty minutes later, he received a sms on his lost-then-found mobile:

I can’t live without you. If you don’t come back in the next 20 minutes, I will KILL myself.

He tried ignoring it, but she had a notorious reputation of self-mutilation. With each passing minute, his conscience gnawed at his resolute to leave her. 2 hours after the whole farce erupted, he gave in, and rushed back to find that she had carried out her treat by:

• Slitting her wrist
• Drinking a whole bottle of cough medicine
• Consuming half of my Clairol Herbal Essence Shampoo



She was rushed to the hospital and the doctors pumped water into her stomach to flush the shampoo out, not unlike Japanese torture I am told. She continued to vomit bubbles for the next hour or so.

He felt touched by her remorse and they got back together.

I have since tried the I-will-kill-myself-by-drinking-this-whole-bottle-of -Clairol-HerbalEssence-if-you-don’t-make-me-chicken-salad-for-lunch- tomorrow threat to extort the laughter and cooperation of my boyfriend with much success. I have since discontinued using Clairol’s fine range of hair products.

As the cab slowed to a stop I glanced at the meter, folded two ten dollar notes, double of the fare of the ride, and slipped them to the driver.

“I’ll be back in ten minutes. Wait for me”.

The Ah Beng, deposited the two notes in his shirt pocket and nodded his agreement. I had a good look at the Ah Beng and made it clear that I would fold his balls in half if he dared leave without me.

I stepped out of the cab and looked around. What was I doing here? I deliberately avoided Holland Village for the past eight months to minimize any chance of me bumping into Jack. We had the ugliest of break-ups: a lot of screaming, some crying, hideous name calling, smashing of gifts, and ending with him calling my parents to tell them I was a self-sabotaging, commitment phobic slut who was emotionally unstable and abusive. Thanks Jack, I love you too.

I came face-to-face with a peach door. His peach door. His peach door which I helped to paint one of those weekends when he grumbled that all we ever did was have sex and drink lots of alcohol. Taking deep breathes, I lifted my hand to rap the door, paused, turned around and started walking away. I heard the peach door open and a familiar voice called out my name.

He pulled me into his chest and hugged me, I felt guilty for the pain I must have caused him. For a former Singapore athlete, he now looked pale and frail. He invited me in, and sat me down in the living room couch.

“Wait here”, he said. “I have something to show you”.

He reemerged from his bedroom cradling a bundle in his arms. “Isn’t she beautiful?” I looked down at the newborn baby.

“Is she yours?” I asked.

“Yes”.

“Who is the mother?”

“I don’t know yet”.

“It isn’t me, is it?”

“No, we always used contraceptives and her blood group is AB. I guess it’s probably one of the women I was with when our relationship was turning sour”.

“Do you need financial support?” I asked.

“No, but thanks for the offer”.

The Ah Beng looked relive when I finally emerged. I got him to drive me to my favorites watering hole. My mobile beeped. New message from Jack.

I know you didn’t want to, but thanks for coming. Sometimes I wish she’s yours. I miss you heaps.

If you’re reading this blog, you probably don’t know me. So I’ve decided, partly because I have nothing to else to write about, it’s high time for an introduction:

I was once asked to describe myself and I candidly replied, "Simple and Open".

Simple, meaning I am not a materialistic person and I am a minimalist. I am not obsessed with brands, I don’t wear make-up, my hair is low maintenance, I don’t desire fame, and I don’t like too much complications in my life. I don't need to hide behind a fake personality, an expensive car or hang out with hip and happening people; I am just me. But understanding me is no simple task. I am fluid and change without even myself noticing it. My experiences in life has made me wiser (though I am far from being wise) and I see things in so many different perspectives its sometime hard to personal know myself what I really believe is right or wrong. My point of view constantly shifts, my principles only last as long as I can defend them, and I am unpredictable especially when I let my emotions take the reins. So though simple I am, I am also complicated.

Open, meaning I like listening to conflicting views, meeting different kinds of people, experiencing the abundance, pains and pleasures of life, and taking in all I can, cause I can, cause I want to, cause I love to My heart is always open to love, my ears open to hear and my eyes open to see. I try my best not to stereotype, prejudge and perceive but I am only human, forgive me for the times I make assumptions. I try to be a good friend, I have a sense of humor and NO, I am not alcoholic! I am a nerd; I like books, cooking my own dinner every night and playing computer games. I love music, though I can’t play any instruments, can’t hold a tune to save my own life, hmmm but I’ve been told I can dance. I believe communication, mutual respect, passion, good sex and common goals make an ever lasting relationship. I believe good friends are always there for you even though you’re not in touch regularly. I believe blood is thicker than water, abusing drugs, alcohol, animals, and others are no good, and cats are a women best friend.

You would think that the organizers of an education fair would take extra care copywriting their advertising campaign. Think again.



“To your child no recognition equals that little recognition from you. To them their childhood is as important as your adulthood”.

WTF? What kinda slogan is that? WTF is it asking the reader to do? WTF? WTF??!



“I am Smart Kid”. Haiyor, WTF man? Isn’t it supposed to be “I am a smart kid”? Unless of course the character’s name is Smart Kid, which makes the text equally as dumb. No kid (fictional or not), who is smart and clever would allow himself to be called Smart Kid.

No parent in their right mind would take their kids to the education fair based on this ad. No kid would find this ad appealing. This ad has no clear message other than to say the organizers need better education and the agency doing this signage is in dire need of a proper copywriter.

A quick visit to their website confirms my worst fears-the same fucker who did the signboard probably “copywrote” the website. How else can you explain this sentence taken from their website?

“There is free admission for children under 16”.

Haiyor, can someone get them to rephrase it to, “Admission is free for children below 16”?

Yesterday evening I attended the launch of the eGroceries website held at SOULed OUT, Desa Sri Hartamas.



eGroceries claims to be Malaysia’s first online grocery shopping portal which offers a variety of products at reasonable prices. Shoppers select household products online and delivery should be within the next working day. I suspect that condoms could potentially become the company’s best-selling item.



I arrived at the event slightly after seven. Guest primarily consists of the media, which included the TV crew for TV3. The setup was rather plain-a few notebooks displayed the eGroceries website and a podium with banners in the backdrop. There was also a projector, presumably for some sort of video presentation which would officiate the launch.



True to Malaysian timing, the event started an hour late. It began with an introductory speech by one of the directors, followed by a second speech by another director who explained how the whole idea of come about. The third speech was by some guy from MDC who ranted on superfluously about MDC’s role in the ICT sector. He spoke at length about the factors governing the growth on E-commerces and the challenges faced, such as secure payments, internet penetration, yadah, yadah, yadah.



Just as he was coming to the end of his speech, there was a sharp, short, explosive sound, POP! Followed by darkness....

I waited for over 15 minutes for power to be restored before leaving the launch. I hope that at least a handful of people stayed back to witness it. I believe the next time someone from MDC makes a speech about factors governing the growth of the ICT sector, stable electricity supply might be mentioned.

Every Tuesday (Every Tuesday)
You’ve nothing to do (You’ve nothing to do)
Get off your ass and stop whining
about Monday blues (about Monday blues)
Come to Hartamas (come to Hartamas)
Orange’s the name (Orange’s the name)
Of a pub where geeks congregate
for pub quiz; are you game? (nerd)
Despite my cool, hip and very happening appearance (yes, I know I am conceited), on a bi-weekly basis, a few of my friends and I meet up to take part in the geekiest activity possible-pub quiz.



The quiz that I attend is held in a pub called The Orange. Which is, surprise, surprise, very orange.



Supposedly pub quiz is a British phenomenon which probably explains why a fair amount the regulars are expatriates. Most of them seem to be English with a sprinkling of Aussies, Europeans and one very obnoxious American.

Assuming you’d like to be part of this super elite and very atas-ourselves group, you’ll first need to form your geek team.

Your team should compromise of at least 4 people. I recommend you bring more people (up to 8) if your team collectively is not that smart. Remember the saying, 2 geeks are better than 1.




This is Slinky’s anyhow-simply-write guide.

1. Firstly gather all your friends who fit the below description:

• Someone who’s auditioned to be on game shows like, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and Roda Impian

• A bespectacled librarian

• A bookworm-especially one who reads newspapers, dictionaries, encyclopedias and biographies

• A couch potato-especially one who likes Channel News Asia, CNN, Discovery and National Geographic.

• An IT geek-someone who knows about the latest gadgets, assembles his own PC, plays DOTA and worships Bill Gates.

• The loser who scored A1 for Sejarah

• A sports junkie

• A movie freak

• A music lover

• Someone who’s well traveled. Stewardess included.

If you’re a librarian who plays chess and DOTA, you should now have about 50 friends to chose from.

If you know all the bars along Asian Heritage Row like your mother’s maiden name, you’ll probably have no friends to chose from, expect maybe some stewardess friends. Skip step number 2, and proceed to con your friends into thinking it’s a great way to meet smart chicks/guys.



2. Selection process.

Next you’ll need to select the best people for the job. The quiz could be about anything under the sun but there are reoccurring subjects, so you'd want experts on the fields below:

• You’ll need someone who’s big on sports. Take note that soccer does not equal sports. Your sports geek will not only need to know how many times Liverpool won the UEFA cup, he’ll need to know about rugby, tennis, cricket, the rules of lawn bowling and former Olympic winners.

• You’ll need someone who is familiar with Geography. Air stewardess seems to fit the bill, but first ask them this question-Which city is farthest north? Tokyo, Seoul or Shanghai. A friend who worked for SIA answered Tokyo. Needless to say she’s not in our very atas team.

• You’ll need a Kay Poh Chi, someone who’s very into the life of others. She’ll need to know who Madonna is having an affair with, who Tammy from NYP is, who’s Paris Hilton’s new best friend, whose breast are recently enhanced and which soccer player is being charged for rape.

• You’ll need someone who is into movies and music. This person should preferably be 35 years and above of age. This is because most questions are about 70’s and 80’s movie and music.


• And lastly, someone who reads the news and knows which ministers has been reshuffled, what’s Tamiflu etc etc

Other popular topics include books, history, science, cars, and comics so get team members who are strong in those areas. Please do not turn up in a team bigger than 8, the ang mohs can be quite kiasu.


3. Select a team name

Next you’ll need to give your geek team a name. I.E Geek fest, Geek Out, ReGeek, Geekbiza, Geek Parade. My personal favorite is Titan Uranus.



4. Understand the Game format

• There are usually 8 rounds on different topics, 10 questions per round.

• Questions are usually projected onto a screen.

• The quiz masters (usually the geek team which won the quiz before), will come around distributing answer papers, which will be handed up at the end of each round.

• Each team will then be asked to select a Bonus round. Select the round you feel most confident with. Marks obtained during this round will be doubled.

• The winning team will win a bottle of wine, a bucket of beer and prepare the questions for the following pub quiz.


5. Show me the money

• Each participant needs to pay RM10, which includes break time snacks. Yummmmm.



I think this is my longest post ever. It is also my first guide to promote a healthy activity which contributes to personal and mental development.
Alright people sing with me, "Don't Cha Wish Your Girlfriend Was A Geek Like Me?" *** slaps own ass*** "Don't cha"

I was pretty tipsy when the bouncer waved me into Rush. I glared at Derrick for dragging me into such a poser place on a Friday night without having the decency to book a table. It was the good thing I had a bottle Chardonnay Sauvignon with Janice before Derrick’s driver came to get us.

We made our way to the bar, Aaron was waiting for us. He leaned over to kiss my cheeks and then Janice’s, and quickly mixed us some gin and tonic. I downed a couple of glasses as fast as I could before heading to the dance floor with Janice.

The dance floor was packed but so was the bar, and I’d rather be dancing than standing around looking bored. The music was crap but it didn’t bother me. Alcohol, in the right doses, can make even a Christmas carol danceable, unless of course the club starts playing Chinese Ah Beng pop songs.

We made our way back to the bar for more alcohol. Aaron was getting irritatingly touchy, and my feet were starting to hurt; it was one of those days I had a lapse in better judgment-I wore high heels. Thankfully, Janice spotted an empty table encircled by a nice lounge couch. When we got closer we realized it wasn’t exactly empty. A half full bottle of Martel, a jug of coke, some semi-full glasses and one bored looking dude littered the table.

“Could we share this table with you?” Janice seductively asked.

“Sure” he said, in an unmistakably Aussie accent.

Janice sat next to him and I sat next to her. Janice and Aussie dude, John seemed to get along, and I had a place to rest my feet and sober up. Three of us were merrily engaged in small talk when a slim, very annoyed and jealous looking Malaysian chick showed up. I instantly sensed she was not happy with what she felt as competition. She took her place, next to him and glared at Janice when she noticed that John was holding onto Janice’s name card.

Sensing that this could get ugly, I swapped places with Janice and made small talk to jealous chick. I asked is she frequented Rush and asked for her number; maybe we could go clubbing one day, oh, where did you buy your top? Blah, blah, blah. That probably helped diffused the situation. She asked me if we wanted the table, “they” were leaving soon. I got Janice to transfer Derrick and our bottles over while jealous chick dragged John off.

The Canto Pop session stopped and I was back on the dance floor. A few minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was John.

“Hey, could I have your number?”

“Sorry, I don’t carry my business cards out on weekends.”

“Just tell me what it is. I am good with numbers, I won’t forget it.”

I don’t know what made me do it, “01X-XXXXXXX”.

He kissed me on the cheek, and left.

For someone who hates Rush, wears Addidas to clubs, and never ever gives out phone numbers to strangers, there must have been some form of divine intervention that night.

That is how I met my current love.

My mum looks at me disapprovingly.

“Girl, why don’t you wear high heels with that suit? You’ll look slimmer and taller”.

“Ma, it’s because I don’t want to notice bald spots on top of men’s heads”.


I don’t wear high heels. YES, I know it accentuates the calves and causes the hips to sway ala-Beyonce. And YES I know men find it sensuous- I just can’t wear them.

3 reasons why Slinky don’t/can’t wear high heels

Penguin syndrome
To look graceful in high heels one first needs to walk elegantly. Experts recommend keeping your legs straight and taking smooth even steps while swinging your arms for balance.

The problem with me is that I don’t walk, I waddle. I walk with short steps that tilt the body from side to side. Think penguin.



Now imagine a penguin in high heels.

Broadfan
Some women have narrow feet, or toes which are significantly shorter than the one next to it. This enables them to easily fit into high heel footwear with either regular or long-pointed toe boxes.



My feet are what I would like to call Broadfan. They’re broad and my toes spread out like a fan. Wearing a pair of court shoes, for example, would mangle and crush my toes against the insoles.

Would you like to be stuck in between two 180kg men (their thighs spilling under the arm rest into your seat), on board an AirAsia flight bound for Canada?

I knew you’d share the same sentiments as my feet.

Calflinks


For very little leg, I have a lot of calf. Anything which accentuates my calves will make my short legs look chunkier then they already are. Enough said.

How do I fall? Let me count the ways.



Midvalley’s fire escape? Check
Escalator in KLIA which leads to the express train? Check
Office wee-wee room? Check
Outside the mamak in Telawi, Bangsar? Check

As it stands, I am a klutz extraordinaire in flat shoes. High heels can only mean more comedy for onlookers and more bodily harm for myself. I wish to egt through life without breaking my collar bone. Pray for me Betty.

And last but not least. The main reason why I don’t wear high heels:

I consider high-heeled shoes a tool of female oppression, constraining our movements and behavior as much as possible.

Okay, I admit, I just couldn’t be bothered, I look good enough without them ;P

I take a deep breath and hesitantly walk into the bar. My eyes instantly find him. He looks up, sensing my eyes on him, and grins widely. I walk over and sit myself directly opposite him. It has been so long, but not long enough.

“Hello, Bruce. How have you been?” I enquire as the waiter brings me my usual two glasses of whiskey.

“Good! And you must be enjoying you work life. I heard you’ve been doing well”.

“Yeah, work’s been great”.

“I’ve been the total opposite”, he volunteers without me asking. “I prefer learning instead of climbing the corporate ladder. I am studying law now and I’ll be changing jobs soon, maybe to a new unexplored industry. I only live once, and won’t want to die as a specialist”.

I pause for a moment thinking what best to say. “Don’t you learn new things at work? Are you bored of your job?”

“Yes I learn, but after knowing their thoughts, I feel they’re only concern with their personal job issues while disregarding what is happening out there. I want more”.

“Bruce, there is no reason to be in business if not to make a profit...

He cuts me off, “that’s why cooperate is killing the world. No offence but they are the new power force, dominating and controlling people. Demanding that we follow their pace. Since young, we’ve been brainwashed and taught the way of life they want us to lead”.

At this point, a waiter walks pass and I grab the chance to order another 2 knit whiskeys. God knows I’ll be needing it. I hoped the little diversion would change the topic but it didn’t.

“That’s why I am learning from different industries. I want to see as much as possible better setting my own route. In the meantime, I’ll settle with their bowl of rice while building my own knowledge before striking back”.

Since I’ve broken up with Bruce, I’ve been told, he’s gotten very philosophical. I was now witnessing it first hand.

“Oh”, he continues, I heard you’ve found a nice guy”.

“Yeah, he’s a babe”.

This was an area in my life I didn’t want to openly discuss, especially with Bruce, but I was grateful for the change in topic.

“How about you? Have you been seeing anyone lately?” I asked.

“I prefer the single life. Too many dreams to achieve”.

“Good for you” I reply.

“I am seeking self improvement in every area but mostly intellectual without boundary, without conventional thinking and freedom to explore. See more, hear more, and conceive all before I die, hopefully. Rules and regulations are written by human, so eventually it should be and will be corrected by human as well”.

I was stunned. How the fuck does someone respond to a statement like that? I reacted in the only way I knew how-by waving my arms madly in the air, trying to flag down a waiter for 2 shots of tequila.

“Make sure my glass is never empty”, I whisper in his ear while slipping him a fiver. “After these two, I want 2 glasses of red wine”. He looks over at Bruce, and understandingly nods.

“You should start your own business”, Bruce continues.

“I plan to one day start my own business. I am just not sure what I want to do yet”.

“Hmmmm, get a few bankers, involve a few economic experts and some local sales people to create a venture capitalist company”.

“Errrrmmmm…that’s not really my thing, plus my Daddy doesn’t print money. So you want to be a VC?”

The waiter comes back with my 2 tequilas, which I down successively.

“Yes. Which is why I am studying law”.

By the now the alcohol was starting to hit me and I was getting really agitated, which made me argumentative and opinionated.

“Do you know what I think is important to be a VC?” I asked. “Gut feel…the ability to predict a certain craze, a killer app, the latest trend, before it happens”.

“This prediction can be done through philosophy guidance”.

“Har?”

“Philosophers always create theories that’s is bound to everything. Everything in life have inter connection between each other, whether they aware or not”

My blood was starting to boil. “Okay, give me an example. Tell me of a product or idea which is going to take the world by storm, based on your philosophical knowledge.”

“Whatever we learn to do, we learn by actually doing it; men come to be builders, for instance, by building, and soccer players by playing soccer. In the same way, by doing just acts, we come to be just; by doing self-control act, we come to be self-controlled; and by doing brave act; we become brave”.

“And how does THIS relate to the next big thing?”

“Every moment, every blink, is composed of series of discrete moving parts, and every one of these parts offers an opportunity for intervention, for reform and for correction. Knowledge, alone, is not power. Great personal power is acquired only through the harmonious cooperation of a number of people who concentrate their efforts upon some definite plan. The next big thing requires a group of people by selection, to discuss and combine each knowledge to form an idea. VC’s will be a great business to start up this team. An open mind to what our life can become is all we need to make our visions into reality. VC is perfect in many ways, help current small business owners, help unemployment, help the government. One of a very important theories of success in philosophy: must produce advantage to everyone involved from every angle. Selfish man are those who live only for self, and usually they prefer to live their lives in company with others who, likewise, believe in living only for self”.

At this point, I was pretty tipsy and yelled “Oh my god, stop rambling! You are quoting so much nonsense I don’t know who I am talking to”.

“I quoted myself; master yourself before mastering the world.”

“Oh God”.

“Understand yourself before understanding your goal”

“Here we go again”.

“My principles, help me…”

“I can’t take it anymore, sorry” I said abruptly. In a blink I was out the door, driving home.

I wish Bruce all the best, and hope that night taught him a new philosophy: Never let one who can drink like a bull, walk out on you without paying the bill.

A few nights ago, a very horny and deprived friend of mine wanted to bang a few hookers (yes, more than one) and I felt obliged to send his poor stranded housemate home. His housemate was this slim, well-spoken, attractive and very confident single 38 year old lady who was a senior manager for a publishing company. During the long drive to her place, we had quite a lot to chat about.

She recently walked out of another dead end relationship. She told me that as she matures, she's learnt not to put up with nonsense. I totally agree-there is no point being in a relationship with someone just for the sake of companionship. That's what pets are for.

“Marriage is overrated.”

“Agreed. Men are such scums. I can’t believe some of them have the cheek to remove their wedding bands the minute they see an attractive girl”.

“Tell me about it. I recently found out this dude who’s trying to date me, is married. I am not particularly surprised but I hate it when men try to deceive. I don’t see the point in them lying, women so familiar with the scum which is men, we half expect it.”

“At least if they come clean, I could maybe spare a charity fuck”.

“I believe in being the hunter, not the hunted”.

“Yeah. Use them and abuse them”.

“I think men are intimidated by women who know exactly what they want and isn’t afraid to say it”.

“No wonder men steer clear of me; I let them know when they don’t match up against my trusty vibrator”.

"Who needs men? We are the new breed of women-confident, independent, promiscuous.”


By the end of the ride, I knew how many married men she’s slept with and she knew my favorite KamaSutra position. It seemed like we've known each other for ages.

“Thanks for the ride Slinky. Let’s meet up again soon. I had fun talking to you”.

As I watched her walk up her apartment steps, I imagined the big, cold, empty bed she’ll sleep in tonight. I imagine her preparing her frozen dinner, while watching reruns of Sex in the City. I respect her for putting up a strong front. She showed no signs of desperation, and the least I could do was play along, for tonight I’ll return to a home cooked meal, prepared by my lovely chef in sexy boxers. He’ll help me carry in my notebook bag, before giving me a warm hug. When I look at his silly grin and my yummy chicken salad, I can’t help but gloat.

It has been almost three years since I’ve turned my back on substance abuse. The 3 months that followed, were perhaps the most testing times of my life. When I lived on drugs, it was a form of self medication. It helped me regulate my emotional turmoils, my bouts of depression and lack of self worth. It made me feel so good. When I look back now, I know that it was merely a distraction; everything felt so intense-sex, music, food, even watching Window’s screensaver was mind-boggling. I understand why people find it so hard to quit drugs. Cliché as it may sound, its “hard to come back to earth, once you’ve been to heaven”.

Overcoming my addiction has made me a stronger person.

I shudder when I think of what I could have become if I had continued on my path of self destruction. I thank my lucky stars that I had trustworthy friends who did not violate me during the times I’ve been fucked to the point of unconsciousness. I hazily remember Patrick. This chubby dude who carried around a Ventolin inhaler, because he knew sometimes I’d have a reaction to the stuff that went up my nostril. Granted, there were other asthmatics like myself who ended up needing it. I was so close…I nearly threw my life away…

I am so proud of myself for each and every day I’ve led a clean life. Each passing day is a step away from my dark past into a promising future.

But there are days like today, when the temptation is just oh, so strong... It’s just a puff, just half a pill, just one line…just one step away from heaven, from ecstasy, from the beginning, from the end.

Slinky's picture of the day: Picture of Irene Ang taken in November at an eBay event.



"OMFG, looking at your site meter dam depressing. Fuckingfortyseven hits a day nia! Eh, why you even bother to blog? Wahlau eh, ask your friends to support a bit lar….. Har? What? Your friends don’t know you have a blog? Sigh. Tiu lor, like that means no hope.

I tell you why your blog so low traffic, it’s because hor, you don’t have a niche. You see all those famous bloggers, they all have some sort of niche one. Like this Kenny Sia, his specialty is in making people laugh at him. And XiaXue is her amazing Photoshop skill. Rockson ler, is famous for his big cock and politics. You don't know who is big-horse Rockson? You know Jeff Ooi or not? Yeah something like that, but not boring and alot of sex. You pulak, is about everything. Sometimes funny, sometimes got sex, sometimes boring, sometimes serious, sometimes got relationships sometimes got video, sometimes not video, sometimes got photo of pussycat…. Your kinda blog only your own friends or maybe an admirer will read one.

Anyway since you are Jack of all trades, master of none, there is another tactic i want to share with you. If you want people to read your blog, you need to post pictures of yourself. You see like that Fireangel chick, wah, post a few pictures, shoot video of herself playing with white stick, now got a huge following liow. I also like following her. Actually you are okay looking, maybe you need some Photoshop skill and diet, then can post your picture liow. I also like this Linda Chia chick. Thanks for the link. Now that I bookmark her URL liow, I don’t need to look for your site then connect to hers. Actually I can remember it, not need bookmark also. Linda Chia, such a beautiful name.

Anyway my final tip for you to get more readers is to give them something. People don’t do things for free; it must be motivated by something. For example give them links to porn, illegal music, jokes,.etc…Maybe can also consider some free movie tickets. Eh I also heard from Thomas you give good tips on how to pick up chicks, and that your joint rolling technique is quite unbeatable. Share some of your skills lar! Eh, no, no, not your cooking skills. Please lar, your cooking cannot pakai one lar.

Eh, eh, eh, where you walking off to? Don’t angry, don’t angry lar. Eh, fuck lar, who is going to pay the bill like that?"